So, Were You Overweight When You Got Here?

After a few weeks of unpacking and figuring out our new duty station, my wonderful neighbor invited me over for coffee. I was ecstatic at the chance to actually get dressed, put on makeup, and enjoy some much needed conversation with a fellow Marine wife.

The coffee was delicious, the food delectable, and the conversation great. We talked about our children, the schools, the new job and as the conversation flowed the topic of the move came up. I took a sip of coffee, looked at my new friend and politely asked, “So, were you overweight when you got here?”

Now some of you know where I am going with this and some of you must think my question is off the charts hideous. In military life (I’m talking to you newbies here), we are bound by what I like to call the ‘rules of engagement;’ to include a language all our own that only a military spouse understands. As many of you know, the PCS (Permanent Change of Station) experience is a series of endless rules and regulations that, if not adhered to, can cause you much unneeded stress. As my husband often says, “life is hard and it’s harder if you’re stupid.” Harsh – maybe. True – absolutely.

Back to my friend…

I wish there was a way to blog facial expressions. I sat there waiting for her answer – nothing. “You know,” I emphatically exclaimed, “Were your household goods overweight?” “Oooh,” she replied, “I thought you were talking about me being overweight.” Nice. I was horrified and glad this sweet lady was as nice as she was. Back to the rules of engagement…..

It seemed from the time I walked down the aisle with my man in uniform, we were on an endless quest to accumulate what I simply call stuff. Furniture, dishes, electronics, clothes, books, professional manuals, baby furniture, workout gear and the list goes on. It never occurred to me to be considerate of our weight as a family and a household.

Each active duty member is allotted a certain amount of weight according to his or her personal rank. Exceed the allotted weight amount and you pay the government back. It gets better. An automatic withdrawal from your active duty spouse’s paycheck must be set up and the payments begin until the debt is reconciled. It goes without saying that exceeding your authorized weight can create a financial burden with potential disastrous effects on your livelihood, finances, ability to save and quality of life in general. I have included the move.mil link for weight guidelines.

It is a difficult task to maintain a level of discipline when it comes to accumulating stuff. Especially for you lucky ones that receive orders to Europe or Asia. Who can pass up that fabulous German wardrobe or the beautiful Japanese Tansu? I feel your pain… However, it is the financial kiss of death to convince yourself that you deserve something because, “he/she dragged me here and I deserve it.” As a dear aviator’s wife once asked me, “was he not in uniform when you married him?” Meaning, you probably had an idea of what you were in for.

Older wife lecture over- I digress.

The bottom line is, be in agreement with your spouse as to what you are willing and not willing to take a financial hit on. If you accumulate two households, that is on you just be ready to pay for it because the bill will be paid one way or another.

As PCS season approaches, I start going through the house. Room by room, closet by closet, drawer by drawer. Not. Lying. It is time consuming but well worth it. We have needlessly moved sparkly flip flops from San Diego to sub-zero Omaha. Snow boots from Rhode Island to Pensacola. Be mindful of what is easily replaced and what you can live without. Create three piles: keep, throw away and donate. Your local donation point on base is ready and waiting to accept your donations that will in turn directly benefit our active duty families in need. I am partial and most familiar with the Navy Marine Corps Relief Society.

Possibly one of the best ideas I have ever seen was at Camp Lejeune, North Carolina. A group of wives got together and scheduled a neighborhood swap in the park located inside housing. Families came with everything one might imagine. People left behind unwanted items, left with needed items and whatever was left at the end of the day was donated to the relief society on base. Utilize your neighborhood Facebook page to organize a “PCS Season Swap.”

What does this have to do with entertaining you might ask? I have found that dishes, stemware, serving dishes and the like are some of my heaviest items in the pack out. They require more packing, more space and are terribly heavy. Be careful as it adds up! Whatever you decide, have fun with your military experience and don’t overthink it. Just be smart about what you do and keep things simple!
Entertainingly Yours,
Cassie

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PME Breakfast

As entertainers, we are always trying to reinvent the party, to be trendier, more cutting edge yet still spend as little money as possible, successfully executing the event and having fun while doing it! Impossible? Absolutely not – you are a military spouse so let’s do this!

I have hosted countless events yet still was somewhat unprepared for how pricey entertaining within the realm of command started to become. I had a million amazing ideas I wanted to experiment with and found myself way out of budget within a short period of time after my husband took command. We all know every penny is spent by choice, so this is not a complaint. However, I know you all well enough to understand that we entertain out of a love for the people in our unit and the preservation of our customs and courtesies. Most importantly though is the bonding that comes with families who are always a moment’s notice away from sending our active-duty loved ones into harm’s way.

After a few months in command, I started to crunch the numbers somewhat disappointed that my extravagant meals and chic parties had gone by the wayside before ever getting off the ground. I tried to think of food items that were less expensive yet still a joy to cook with and something I would be proud to serve my guests. Breakfast is inexpensive but who would want to come to breakfast?

I approached my husband and he suggested we make it into a PME (Professional Military Education) breakfast. What is a PME you might ask? It is an opportunity to teach the active duty about all aspects of personal and professional development. I was on it!

We planned for a Friday and my husband sent out an invite via email. We set the limit to command and staff exclusively with an arrival time of 0630, yes that is 6:30am in the morning! We planned for and fed fourteen Marines a sit-down meal that day.
I created the menu with diet in mind. Our military is held to a strict standard of weight and I wanted to be respectful of that. Plus, it’s hard to eat a huge breakfast and then return to work and stay focused.

What I served:

  • Egg and Potato Strata – a layered casserole dish mainly used for brunches
  • Goldilox – scrambled egg with fresh salmon and cream cheese topped with fresh parsley
  • Fresh Fruit – mixed berries
  • Fresh buttermilk biscuits – made the night before and stored tightly in a Ziploc baggie
  • Homemade peach jam – from my sister’s West Virginia peach orchard
  • Butter – room temperature
  • Salt and pepper
  • Fresh coffee, tea and water – cream, sugar, artificial sweetener
  • Freshly squeezed orange juice – squeezed late the night before

Whenever I create a menu I always include everything down to the salt and pepper. Attention to detail is something to be emulated from our spouses. Leave nothing to chance!

The strata was very time-consuming in prep so I did it all the night before and actually created the dish the next morning. Remember to keep your sliced potatoes completely covered in water or they will turn brown within a short period of time.
The one thing I can always count on is that Marines are on time. Sure enough at 6:30am on the dot our guests were at the door! There is nothing more amazing to see uniformed men and women of all ranks walking up to your door to break bread.

The PME breakfast was a successful event in many ways. With a cost comparison between eggs (one dozen for 46 cents at a local chain or a prime filet of beef from the big box store averaging $80.00!) the breakfast is by far the less expensive choice. Also, this was an event where spouses were not invited thereby cutting the count in half. We incurred no cost for invitations with a professional email request being sent by the leadership and the event was done by 10am.




Unexpected:

I set up a coffee bar at all of my events. I sometimes use a 60 cup urn but for smaller gatherings that still require copious amounts of coffee I use my Keurig. My china cups and saucers were set up and ready to go. As the guests arrived and began getting their morning coffee, right away I sensed a commotion. I turned the corner only to see Marines holding 8 ounce china cups and selecting the 12 ounce coffee option. Coffee on the floor, bar and their shoes. I hadn’t thought the service all the way through. I immediately swapped all the china out for mugs. Disaster averted!

So when can I expect breakfast?

Entertainingly yours,

Cassie

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How to Read an Invitation 

Realizing that all of us know how to read an invitation, (the who, the what, the when, the where and the attire), I would like to offer guidance on how to “read” an invitation.

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The Who: Invitations are never open for interpretation. Upon receipt of said invite, the invited guest’s name or names should be stated clearly. If the invite, Evite or e-mail states, “Mary” for example, then only Mary is invited. Not Mary’s spouse, not her child who had a day off and will quietly sit in the corner and read- she promises. Not Mary’s adorable baby who she also promises will sleep quietly in their car seat. When we force the situation by bringing an un-invited spouse, child or baby, the dynamic of the event is changed and potentially ruined. You may even create a resentment from the other guests who took the time and spent the money for a babysitter. Often, unit events might be the one time someone has been able to get out for a friend’s night or date night in a long time.

The What: Whatever the event is, it is most certainly articulated in the invite. To the best of your ability, fully engage in the theme of the event whether it be costume, potluck, charitable, family oriented (bringing children) and the like. Your host or hostess is making the effort and you will have more fun if you fully participate. Keep in mind, this is never an opportunity to pass out catalogs, hold impromptu meetings or go over business as you may disrupt the flow of the event. There is a time and place so please be respectful.

 The When: The invitation will state a specific time, an open house or a staggered time slot perhaps according to your last name. If there is a specific start and ending then by all means arrive at the stated start time and always leave at the stated ending time. For example, an event that begins at 5pm and ends at 7pm requires you to arrive at 5pm and depart at 7pm. An open house is an event with a beginning time and an ending time. As a guest, you may arrive at any time and depart at any time during the open house. This is especially helpful when you have more than one event on the same evening. Lastly, a staggered event is usually for larger commands where, for example, lasts names with A-M arrive the first two hours and N-Z arrives the final two hours. It allows the host or hostess to manage their guests in a more organized manner. Unless previously discussed with the host or hostess, please do not show up early. It really is as rude as being late. If they require help, and sometimes they do- you will know far in advance. Try not to be late. It is disrespectful of the host or hostess as well as their time and you might disrupt a series of time sensitive events. Children become ill, cars breakdown and rush hour can be a beast. Simply plan ahead and if you happen to be late, enter quietly and join in.

Your hosts will be thrilled you made it!

The Where: Make sure you read the invite carefully as to the location. I once showed up to the wrong Chuckie E. Cheese a week early. True story.

The What: There are so many fabulously themed events…White Party, Harlem Renaissance, Martinis and Mistletoe, Little Black Dress, Flight Suit Formal, Potluck, Salad by Proxy and the lists goes on. Whatever it is, as stated before fully engage! If the event is a potluck (this is an opportunity  for you to really shine) make an attempt to see if there is a theme to the meal. If you bring your favorite Indian dish and the theme is Mexican Fiesta, you run the risk of disrupting the flow of the meal and the beverage pairings.

Also, refrain from bringing food unless the host or hostess has requested it. I have seen beautiful dishes and desserts brought by guests with the best of intentions only to be quickly placed in the refrigerator or pantry! Again, unless discussed previously, an additional food item is not necessary. Take the night off and enjoy yourself.

Host/Hostess Gifts: A hostess gift is a small opportunity to thank the party giver for having you as a guest at their event. It can be as simple as a plant or chocolates, a nice bottle of wine or a lovely pastry. A really wonderful idea is that of a signature gift. Perhaps your favorite artist makes a beautiful Christmas ball or your hometown is famous for a nut or jam. Flowers are always lovely but keep in mind as you hand a hostess a garden stand bouquet, she must now find a vase, fill it with water and arrange it all while trying to welcome guests. A small potted flower or plant is best in those situations. Keep in mind this is not in place of a thank you note! Occasionally you may see a request to NOT bring a hostess gift. Please abide by the request as there is a reason important enough for your hostess to place it on the invite. You may also see the words “in lieu of a hostess gift…” and a request for a toy during the holidays or a donation of food for the local food bank may be requested. Please feel free to regard or disregard at your discretion and financial ability. No one will be checking at the door!

Children Welcomed: This is very simple, if nothing is stated about children then they are most likely not included. Sometimes an invite will read Adults Only. Please take this seriously as the host/hostess may have candles lit, a fireplace, alcohol or perhaps pets that are threatening to little ones. If the children are welcome to the event, the invite will most definitely state “children welcomed.”

Commands make very concerted efforts to have both kid friendly and non-kid friendly events throughout the year. It never hurts to call ahead of time and receive clarity on the situation.

RSVP: Repondez S’il Vous Plait which, according to Merriam Webster, is a simple French phrase meaning “please reply”. How ridiculously easy is that? It is impossible for a host or hostess to properly plan a party when the number of attendees is unknown! It is not about being fancy or ostentatious. It can be as simple as how much beer should I buy and how much chili should I make? Perhaps the hostess is creating a party favor and you did not respond. It is embarrassing for both the hostess and guest when something like that occurs. When in doubt, always put yourself in the shoes of the hostess and proceed accordingly.

The Attire: Almost every invitation sent within the realm of the military will have guidance as to what you should and should not wear. Your active duty member will always have a clear and proper dress code and uniform requirement for every event he or she attends. This, however is for you. There was a time when dress codes were simple- formal, semi-formal, cocktail and casual. The Marines called jeans “the forbidden fabric” and it was rare to see active duty of any rank out in public donning Levis!
Things change and dress codes do too. Depending on where you are stationed, you may see suggestions such as California casual, Hawaiian casual, open collar no tie, no jeans or just plain casual. While everyone in SoCal may be in fancy flip flops, your East Coast counterparts may be wearing heels with the same outfits. Observe your current duty station and adjust accordingly. Make the decision to honor the dress code to the best of your ability. Whether formal or casual, the event you are attending is not the time for you to make a personal statement or personal stand. Have fun with the attire request and perhaps you will learn something new while in the process. I have included a link to a wonderful attire guide.
http://emilypost.com/advice/attire-guide-dress-codes-from-casual-to-white-tie
Dress code tradition is yet another piece of the military puzzle that makes our culture unique!

Entertainingly Yours,

Cassie

 

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That Moment

There are seminal moments in everyone’s life. The birth of a child, receiving that much desired promotion, the loss of a loved one, a long-term goal seen to fruition and of course the moment you meet “the one.”

They all seem to change us, good or bad, forever.

I remember meeting my Corporal and experiencing that feeling. You know the butterflies in the pit of your stomach type feeling that cannot be pushed aside. As our relationship progressed my interests became his and his interest became mine. He talked about the Marine Corps – a truly foreign entity to me. I wanted to impress him and checked out an obscure book on military operations. Almost thirty years later the only thing I recall is why the “scrambled egg” embellishment is on the white Officer’s cover – we will save that for another entry.

I remember to this day my first social event. A beautiful tea hosted by the Commander’s wife in her historic home on base. My then fiancé received special permission from his company commander for me to attend, as I was not an official Military ID holder! I had no idea what to wear, I had no idea what to expect. What struck me immediately upon entering the event was that this group was different, different from any other group I had ever seen. Well coiffed women, sharing polite conversation, discussing training and deployments, acronyms flying. That entertaining moment was one of my seminal moments. It wasn’t about a party or decorations, it was about the leaders and their spouses taking time to mentor new military families- the future leaders if you will. An age old tradition of customs and courtesies that if lost could prove tragic.

Upon leaving, I vowed I would become a subject matter expert on everything military spouse related! I accepted every invitation and opportunity to volunteer, assist, host or participate in general. It was on-the-job training if you will and I loved it.

Whether newly engaged or married for decades, we are all quick to testify to the unique challenges and ever changing landscape of the military lifestyle. I honestly believe it is the duty of every seasoned spouse to impart their experiences and wisdom upon the upcoming generations. That is why I am penning my decades of experience into words. Through a meal shared and a toast made, bonds are created, relationships grown and the preparation to send our loved ones into harm’s way begins.

Entertainingly yours,
Cassie

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