Galentine’s Day

You’ve heard about it, you’ve read about it and now you are personally experiencing it.

Another holiday alone.

I guess it would be ok if it were Groundhog Day (did he see his shadow?) or Bastille Day (bonjour and ooh la la!) but it’s Valentine’s Day. A day representing love, romance and companionship. The problem is, your spouse is deployed and you’re not feeling loved or romantic – just irritation and a bit of remorse for shoving down one too many chocolate hearts.

If I stop and think about it I (like many milspouses), have spent half of my adult Valentine’s Days with my husband, and half with my military sisters. But while it was not ideal, you can be sure we women made the most of it – and so should you!

Military spouses are sharp cookies, a lot of fun to be around and very creative – especially when our hands are forced.

So, if you are finding yourself a-lone, a-gain, gather your unit spouses and plan something! Host a “Whine and Cheese” at your home and encourage everyone to bring their wedding albums. They are beautiful to look at, make people feel good and when old enough are hysterical to flip through. Or, if it’s not just married but fiancés and girlfriends, have everyone bring their favorite couple’s picture. Request that they be brought framed and make them the focal point of your table.

I do recall once where Valentine’s Day fell right in the middle of the deployment cycle. We had one exceptionally bold wife who brought not one, not two, but all three of her wedding albums from her three marriages to include both Officer and Enlisted. Totally next level. (Now see- that is a twist in entertaining that NO ONE sees coming. If you’re the hostess in a situation like that, you just push through and be polite – but you already knew that.)

If you are stationed in a city that has a vibrant nightlife, then make reservations at the hottest restaurant, have everyone pay their own way and host a classy ladies’ “Pin Up” night out.

Trust me your group will make quite the impression.

Host a flight suit formal or a diamonds and denim night. A few weeks beforehand have the Commanding Officers Spouse schedule a live FaceTime feed where the forward deployed are able to give a quick shout out to their spouses. You will need to coordinate the attendees and their active duty spouses. We don’t want anyone to be left out.  Never a dry eye in the room when this is done!

The possibilities for your alternative Galentine’s Day are endless. The worst thing you can do is sit at home alone lamenting your current situation so get up and do something about it! Rally your gal pals and host an epic event.

Remember when the spouses and families are content at home, our active duty can focus on the mission at hand. Even if it means throwing a party.

Entertainingly Yours,

Cassie

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Buffet ANT-ics

Here in lies the woeful tale of two hostesses. The one I aspire to be and the one I really am.

A little melodramatic – but accurate.

I am so dedicated to the art of detail that more than once I have planned an event a year in advance. Attention to detail is the military mantra that we live by (and we like it that way). But, the truth is, when entertaining one can never truly prepare for everything.

Case in point – each duty station we move to is known for things. Those things can be good or bad. Things that are pretty and ugly. Things that frankly,  you don’t know about until you get there and experience it firsthand.

Enter stage right – sunny Southern California, an American paradise.

One finds the happy locals in their athleisure wear, strolling from Starbucks, yoga mat in hand. There is sea, surf, blue skies… and ants.

Wait, what?

Now, not all of my homes in SoCal had an ant problem, but one in particular did. And when I say problem – think full-scale ant invasion.

I noticed right away that a speck of cheese or a crumb of cookie would bring on the following morning an army of indescribable proportions. My dining room looked like an arthropod convention on the Discovery Channel. I addressed the problem immediately (borax, Raid, napalm) and thought nothing else of it.

Time to plan the next party, and plan I did.

Our Marines were on deployment. In true military spouse fashion; our squadron wives were hosting a Pity Party for the squadron wives whose Marines were replacing ours. Side note – a Pity Party is an opportunity to basically say, “ha ha we are done, and now you it is your turn to suffer. Enjoy”. We also eat our young in case you were wondering…

The invites were launched, the house was ready, and the spouses brought an amazing array of potluck items including the piece de resistance: a delicious ham. Spiral cut, studded with cloves and dripping with a sugary glaze. If it weren’t early May I would have guessed it to be December 25.

With the evening well under way, I poured a cocktail with an air of smug satisfaction. “Yes” I thought, “another successful event.”

In an unguarded moment, I felt a sharp tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see one of our go to spouses (you know the one – she can be counted on for anything and everything) with a look of fear on her face.  I immediately stood up. She leaned forward and quietly whispered, “We have a code red meat emergency.”

Like any good senior leader’s spouse I confidently said, “Take me to the meat.”

As a host or hostess, we should never allow our guests to see us ruffled. In the worst situations, we remain calm, polite and patient. As my husband says, “never let them see you sweat.” But, I must say, what I saw next almost put me over the edge.

My ever vigilant friend had her arm outstretched with a pointed finger much like the ghost of Christmas future as he eerily points to Scrooge’s tombstone. I followed the length of her arm and my eyes landed on the ham.

Is the glaze moving?

ANTS. ANTS EVERYWHERE.

Is that one carrying a clove on his back? Why ants? Does the Ritz get ants? Does Ina Garten invite ants to dinner with Jeffrey? This isn’t supposed to happen – I did not plan for ants!

 I like to think I am cool under pressure, but I am not. I immediately grabbed the ham and ran like a wide receiver crossing the goal line quickly spiking the ham into the kitchen trashcan.  In a flash, amazing spouses were scurrying for any remnant of insect. It was an ant-killing Seal Team 6.

The determination was made that the ants were meat eaters and had confined themselves only to the gammon. Thankfully, the food service had been going for a while and it appeared that we had simply removed a few things. The buffet was spotless and open for business.

I stood there for a moment and became rather frustrated. What made me think the ants were going to self-relegate? Why did I assume that they had come together prior to my event and agreed to not transgress the buffet table? The ants were truly an ongoing problem and I should have planned the placement of my food better.

Let’s put a bow on this sad tale with some entertaining tie-ins.

  1. Know the problem areas in your house whether it is in military quarters or a rental.
  2. Don’t fight the issues, just adjust accordingly.
  3. Always have your power team of spouses. The ones you can rely on to help. In turn make sure you are there for them as well when they host an event.
  4. Don’t become emotional or excited in front of your guests and if something is amiss with your food simply remove it.  Due to the fact that there were so many wonderful offerings on the buffet, the removal of the ham was not a huge issue.
  5. Be in the habit of having a few easily prepared items in your freezer just in case of a culinary emergency. It is always a wonderful thing when we can prepare a fresh, homemade menu but sometimes you need a little back up.

But always, always remember: you can fix any situation – even arthropod WWIII.

Entertainingly yours,

Cassie

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How to Read an Invitation 

Realizing that all of us know how to read an invitation, (the who, the what, the when, the where and the attire), I would like to offer guidance on how to “read” an invitation.

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The Who: Invitations are never open for interpretation. Upon receipt of said invite, the invited guest’s name or names should be stated clearly. If the invite, Evite or e-mail states, “Mary” for example, then only Mary is invited. Not Mary’s spouse, not her child who had a day off and will quietly sit in the corner and read- she promises. Not Mary’s adorable baby who she also promises will sleep quietly in their car seat. When we force the situation by bringing an un-invited spouse, child or baby, the dynamic of the event is changed and potentially ruined. You may even create a resentment from the other guests who took the time and spent the money for a babysitter. Often, unit events might be the one time someone has been able to get out for a friend’s night or date night in a long time.

The What: Whatever the event is, it is most certainly articulated in the invite. To the best of your ability, fully engage in the theme of the event whether it be costume, potluck, charitable, family oriented (bringing children) and the like. Your host or hostess is making the effort and you will have more fun if you fully participate. Keep in mind, this is never an opportunity to pass out catalogs, hold impromptu meetings or go over business as you may disrupt the flow of the event. There is a time and place so please be respectful.

 The When: The invitation will state a specific time, an open house or a staggered time slot perhaps according to your last name. If there is a specific start and ending then by all means arrive at the stated start time and always leave at the stated ending time. For example, an event that begins at 5pm and ends at 7pm requires you to arrive at 5pm and depart at 7pm. An open house is an event with a beginning time and an ending time. As a guest, you may arrive at any time and depart at any time during the open house. This is especially helpful when you have more than one event on the same evening. Lastly, a staggered event is usually for larger commands where, for example, lasts names with A-M arrive the first two hours and N-Z arrives the final two hours. It allows the host or hostess to manage their guests in a more organized manner. Unless previously discussed with the host or hostess, please do not show up early. It really is as rude as being late. If they require help, and sometimes they do- you will know far in advance. Try not to be late. It is disrespectful of the host or hostess as well as their time and you might disrupt a series of time sensitive events. Children become ill, cars breakdown and rush hour can be a beast. Simply plan ahead and if you happen to be late, enter quietly and join in.

Your hosts will be thrilled you made it!

The Where: Make sure you read the invite carefully as to the location. I once showed up to the wrong Chuckie E. Cheese a week early. True story.

The What: There are so many fabulously themed events…White Party, Harlem Renaissance, Martinis and Mistletoe, Little Black Dress, Flight Suit Formal, Potluck, Salad by Proxy and the lists goes on. Whatever it is, as stated before fully engage! If the event is a potluck (this is an opportunity  for you to really shine) make an attempt to see if there is a theme to the meal. If you bring your favorite Indian dish and the theme is Mexican Fiesta, you run the risk of disrupting the flow of the meal and the beverage pairings.

Also, refrain from bringing food unless the host or hostess has requested it. I have seen beautiful dishes and desserts brought by guests with the best of intentions only to be quickly placed in the refrigerator or pantry! Again, unless discussed previously, an additional food item is not necessary. Take the night off and enjoy yourself.

Host/Hostess Gifts: A hostess gift is a small opportunity to thank the party giver for having you as a guest at their event. It can be as simple as a plant or chocolates, a nice bottle of wine or a lovely pastry. A really wonderful idea is that of a signature gift. Perhaps your favorite artist makes a beautiful Christmas ball or your hometown is famous for a nut or jam. Flowers are always lovely but keep in mind as you hand a hostess a garden stand bouquet, she must now find a vase, fill it with water and arrange it all while trying to welcome guests. A small potted flower or plant is best in those situations. Keep in mind this is not in place of a thank you note! Occasionally you may see a request to NOT bring a hostess gift. Please abide by the request as there is a reason important enough for your hostess to place it on the invite. You may also see the words “in lieu of a hostess gift…” and a request for a toy during the holidays or a donation of food for the local food bank may be requested. Please feel free to regard or disregard at your discretion and financial ability. No one will be checking at the door!

Children Welcomed: This is very simple, if nothing is stated about children then they are most likely not included. Sometimes an invite will read Adults Only. Please take this seriously as the host/hostess may have candles lit, a fireplace, alcohol or perhaps pets that are threatening to little ones. If the children are welcome to the event, the invite will most definitely state “children welcomed.”

Commands make very concerted efforts to have both kid friendly and non-kid friendly events throughout the year. It never hurts to call ahead of time and receive clarity on the situation.

RSVP: Repondez S’il Vous Plait which, according to Merriam Webster, is a simple French phrase meaning “please reply”. How ridiculously easy is that? It is impossible for a host or hostess to properly plan a party when the number of attendees is unknown! It is not about being fancy or ostentatious. It can be as simple as how much beer should I buy and how much chili should I make? Perhaps the hostess is creating a party favor and you did not respond. It is embarrassing for both the hostess and guest when something like that occurs. When in doubt, always put yourself in the shoes of the hostess and proceed accordingly.

The Attire: Almost every invitation sent within the realm of the military will have guidance as to what you should and should not wear. Your active duty member will always have a clear and proper dress code and uniform requirement for every event he or she attends. This, however is for you. There was a time when dress codes were simple- formal, semi-formal, cocktail and casual. The Marines called jeans “the forbidden fabric” and it was rare to see active duty of any rank out in public donning Levis!
Things change and dress codes do too. Depending on where you are stationed, you may see suggestions such as California casual, Hawaiian casual, open collar no tie, no jeans or just plain casual. While everyone in SoCal may be in fancy flip flops, your East Coast counterparts may be wearing heels with the same outfits. Observe your current duty station and adjust accordingly. Make the decision to honor the dress code to the best of your ability. Whether formal or casual, the event you are attending is not the time for you to make a personal statement or personal stand. Have fun with the attire request and perhaps you will learn something new while in the process. I have included a link to a wonderful attire guide.
http://emilypost.com/advice/attire-guide-dress-codes-from-casual-to-white-tie
Dress code tradition is yet another piece of the military puzzle that makes our culture unique!

Entertainingly Yours,

Cassie

 

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That Moment

There are seminal moments in everyone’s life. The birth of a child, receiving that much desired promotion, the loss of a loved one, a long-term goal seen to fruition and of course the moment you meet “the one.”

They all seem to change us, good or bad, forever.

I remember meeting my Corporal and experiencing that feeling. You know the butterflies in the pit of your stomach type feeling that cannot be pushed aside. As our relationship progressed my interests became his and his interest became mine. He talked about the Marine Corps – a truly foreign entity to me. I wanted to impress him and checked out an obscure book on military operations. Almost thirty years later the only thing I recall is why the “scrambled egg” embellishment is on the white Officer’s cover – we will save that for another entry.

I remember to this day my first social event. A beautiful tea hosted by the Commander’s wife in her historic home on base. My then fiancé received special permission from his company commander for me to attend, as I was not an official Military ID holder! I had no idea what to wear, I had no idea what to expect. What struck me immediately upon entering the event was that this group was different, different from any other group I had ever seen. Well coiffed women, sharing polite conversation, discussing training and deployments, acronyms flying. That entertaining moment was one of my seminal moments. It wasn’t about a party or decorations, it was about the leaders and their spouses taking time to mentor new military families- the future leaders if you will. An age old tradition of customs and courtesies that if lost could prove tragic.

Upon leaving, I vowed I would become a subject matter expert on everything military spouse related! I accepted every invitation and opportunity to volunteer, assist, host or participate in general. It was on-the-job training if you will and I loved it.

Whether newly engaged or married for decades, we are all quick to testify to the unique challenges and ever changing landscape of the military lifestyle. I honestly believe it is the duty of every seasoned spouse to impart their experiences and wisdom upon the upcoming generations. That is why I am penning my decades of experience into words. Through a meal shared and a toast made, bonds are created, relationships grown and the preparation to send our loved ones into harm’s way begins.

Entertainingly yours,
Cassie

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